God’s Computer

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In the beginning was the computer.

Ready: logon

Enter UserId: God

Enter Password: omniscient

Invalid Password

Enter Password: omnipotent

Invalid Password

Enter Password: technocrat

God successfully logged on at 06:00:01 PM, Saturday, Day 1

Ready: let there be light

Bad command or file name

Ready: create light

Day and Night Created

0 errors

Ready: logoff

God logged off at 06:02:00 PM, Saturday, Day 1

_


Ready: logon

Enter UserId: God

Enter Password: technocrat

God successfully logged on at 06:00:01 PM, Sunday, Day 2

Ready: let there be firmament in the midst of water and light

Bad command or file name

Ready: create firmament

Firmament not found

Ready: define firmament

Done

Ready: create firmament

Done

Ready: run firmament

Heaven and earth created

0 errors

Ready: logoff

God logged off at 06:02:00 PM, Sunday, Day 2

_


Ready: logon

Enter UserId: God

Enter Password: technocrat

God successfully logged on at 06:00:01 PM, Monday, Day 3

Ready: let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and

Too many characters in specification string

Ready: create dry_land

Dry_land not found

Ready: define dry_land

Done

Ready: create dry_land

Done

Ready: run dry_land

Done

Waters divided

0 errors

Ready: logoff

God logged off at 06:02:00 PM, Monday, Day 3

_


Ready: logon

Enter UserId: God

Enter Password: technocrat

God successfully logged on at 06:00:01 PM, Tuesday, Day 4

Ready: create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night

Syntax error

Ready: define sun_moon_stars

Done

Ready: create sun_moon_stars

Done

Ready: run sun_moon_stars

Day and night created

0 errors

Ready: logoff

God logged off at 06:02:00 PM, Tuesday, Day 4

_


Ready: logon

Enter UserId: God

Enter Password: technocrat

Password expired

Enter Password: technocrat/omniscient

Password successfully changed

God successfully logged on at 06:00:01 PM, Wednesday, Day 5

Ready: define fish

Done

Ready: create fish

Done

Ready: define fowl

Done

Ready: create fowl

Done

Ready: run fish and fowl

Syntax error

Ready: run fish & fowl

Syntax error

Ready: run fish fowl

Syntax error

Ready: run fish_fowl

Syntax error

Ready: run fish; fowl

Syntax error

Ready: run fish, fowl

Great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind created

0 errors

Ready: logoff

God logged off at 06:02:00 PM, Wednesday, Day 5

_


Ready: logon

Enter UserId: God

Enter Password: omniscient

God successfully logged on at 06:00:01 PM, Thursday, Day 6

Ready: define cattle

Done

Ready: create cattle

Done

Ready: define creepy_things

Done

Ready: create creepy_things

Done

Ready: run cattle, creepy_things

Done

Ready: now let us make man in our image

Bad command or file name

Ready: define man /using God

Invalid parameter

Ready: define man /use God

Invalid parameter

Ready: define man  /U=God  /-omniscience  /-omnipotence  /-omnipresence

Done

Ready: create man

Done

Ready: run man

Done

Ready: be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth

Too many command operands

Ready: run multiplication

Execution terminated

6 errors

Ready: insert breath

Done

Ready: run multiplication

Execution terminated

5 errors

Ready: move man to Garden of Eden

Syntax Error

Ready: move man to "Garden of Eden"

File Garden of Eden does not exist

Ready: create garden.edn

Done

Ready: move man to garden.edn

Done

Ready: run multiplication

Execution terminated

4 errors

Ready: copy woman from man

Syntax Error

Ready: copy man > woman

Done

Ready: run multiplication

Execution terminated

2 errors

Ready: create desire

Syntax Error

Ready: define desire

Done

Ready: create desire

Done

Ready: run desire

Done

Ready: run multiplication

Man, woman being fruitful and multiplying in garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run

1 errors

Ready: define freewill

Done

Ready: create freewill

Done

Ready: run freewill

Man, woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn with freewill

Warning: No time limit on this run

1 errors

Ready: undo desire

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created

Ready: destroy freewill

Bad command or file name

Ready: erase freewill

File locked

File freewill inaccessible - cannot be erased

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help

Ready: help

Parameter missing

Ready: help /erase desire

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created

File freewill inaccessible - cannot be erased

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help

Ready: define tree_of_knowledge

Done

Ready: create tree_of_knowledge

Done

Ready: run tree_of_knowledge

Done

Ready: define good

Done

Ready: create good

Done

Ready: define evil

Evil exists as serpent

Ready: run good

Done

Ready: activate serpent

Warning: fatal system error in sector E95

Man and woman not found in garden.edn

1 errors

Ready: scan garden.edn for man, woman

Object(s) not found

Ready: delete guilt

Guilt cannot be deleted once evil has been activated

Ready: destroy evil

Evil is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help

Ready: stop

Bad command or file name

Ready: break

Bad command or file name

Ready: halt

Bad command or file name

ATTENTION ALL USERS: THE NETWORK IS GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF NOW

Ready: create new world

You have exceeded your allocated file space

You must destroy old files before new ones can be created

Ready: destroy earth

Re-enter to confirm command: Destroy earth

Ready: destroy ear

NETWORK CONNECTION TERMINATED. SERVICE WILL RESUME SATURDAY, DAY 8 AT 06:00:01 PM

God logged off at 17:59:59 PM, Friday, Day 6

_


06:00:01 PM, Saturday, Day 8. God created Windows.

Windows


Windows Crash Dump

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

file:///D:/Documents/My Web Sites/NewFamilyBible/articles/humor/gods_computer.html
Page last revised on Wednesday, 03 August 2016 11:27 AM

About the Author

Except where otherwise specifically indicated, the opinions expressed on this website are my own, are sometimes highly speculative in nature and subject to differing interpretations, and rarely reflect the views or opinions of any other organization or individual. Virtually every person will find something on this site with which they take offense or disagree. If you disagree with my opinions, please CLICK HERE before contacting me. If you are offended by this site’s content, click here.

In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C., section 107, some material on this web site is provided without permission from the copyright owner, only for purposes of criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research under the “fair use” provisions of federal copyright laws. Except for “fair use” non-profit educational purposes, these materials may not be distributed further, without permission of the copyright owner.

*Ari Levitt is the shem kodesh of Messianic Pastor/Theologian Dr. Rickard (Ari) Levitt-Sawyer. As the free expression of my religious beliefs, the content of this website is protected under the provisions of the First Amendment of the United States Constitution.

In the event of my suspicious demise, let be clearly understood that I am not suicidal. I have, however, received countless death threats from “moderate Muslims” in response to the content of this website. I now have reason to expect retaliation from my own government as well. Here’s why.

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Page last updated on Wednesday, 03 August 2016 11:27 AM
(Updates are generally minor formatting or editorial changes.
Major content changes after May 3, 2015 are identified as "Revisions”)