Driving

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Driving Test

The following are a sampling of actual answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?

A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?

A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?

A: Your car.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?

A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?

A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?

A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?

A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?

A: Drive like Minamoto.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?

A: Carry loaded weapons.


Accident Reports

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest possible words.

  • I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

  • Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

  • The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.

  • I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

  • I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

  • A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

  • The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

  • In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.

  • I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

  • I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

  • I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

  • As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

  • To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.

  • My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

  • An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.

  • I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.

  • I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

  • The pedestrian had no idea which way to run so I ran over him.

  • I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

  • The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

  • I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

  • I wanted to ram this guy walking down the street cause he was so ugly I felt pity and wanted to relieve his misery.

  • The pedestrian ran into my car before I ran over him.

  • I shot the pedestrian before I hit him; therefore, he was already dead when I struck him.

Page last updated on Wednesday, 03 August 2016 11:17 AM
(Updates are generally minor formatting or editorial changes.
Major content changes after May 3, 2015 are identified as "Revisions”)